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confused. i didnt know relationships were supposed to work this way. i feel like there is supposed to be more, like im missing out on things im not supposed to missing out on. why do i feel so alone when im supposed to feel wanted, like i belong with someone. sure, you can say anything and everything you want but in the end its not whats said but what is done, what is shown through action, what is displayed.

there are days when im happy as can be, and then theres days like these. the only reason i think i even have happy days is the fact that i try to ignore this problem, and on my shittiest days i let it all out. i tell myself that its ok, its gonna get better, dont worry about it because time will take care of everything. but how long is this really gonna last? im tired of waiting for something that might not even happen. i feel like im wasting my time.

maybe one day ill let you read these blog entries, and maybe you will know how i feel when i type thse things. but right now i dont think you have any idea about how i feel, what im thinking. hopeless is more like it.

but then again, maybe im blowing things out of proportion. maybe not. my emotions are getting the best of me and i hate it because i have no idea what is going to happen in the future and if i will ever stay happy in this relationship. im not saying im unhappy, because i am genuinely and truly happy to know that i can say that i love someone and mean it, and that feeling of love that i have for you is real. its just a matter of whether that is enough for me to suffer through the whole week, thinking about you every second of every minute of every hour of every day, and not being able to see you for days on end. i guess you can say im getting tired of it, if i havent said it already.

im tired. im sad. im lonely.